Cat One Liners:
- Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
- How did a cat take first prize at the bird show?
He just jumped up to the cage, reached in, and took it.
- How does the cat get its own way?
With friendly purrsuasion.
- What’s happening when you hear “woof… splat… meow… splat?”
It’s raining cats and dogs.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray this cushy life to keep.
I pray for toys that look like mice,
And sofa cushions, soft and nice.
I pray for gourmet kitty snacks,
And someone nice to scratch my back,
For windowsills all warm and bright,
For shadows to explore at night.
I pray I’ll always stay real cool
And keep the secret feline rule
To NEVER tell a human that
The world is really ruled by CATS!
And our Mother’s personal favorite:
Why Cats are Better than Men
1. A cat always comes in SOBER after being out all night. 2. When a cat goes to the toilet she tries not to leave a trace.
3. You can put a bell around a cat’s neck so you know exactly where she is.
4. If you stroke a cat she won’t leap on you for sex.
5. You don’t mind that much if a cat brings a bird home every night.
6. When a cat comes in at midnight it doesn’t wake you up by smashing into the furniture.
7. Cats never pretend they know how to fix the video.
8. Cats don’t care what size your boobs are.
9. Cats still love you even when your perm goes wrong.
10. Cats love rubbing up to your legs however much cellulite you have.
11. Cats can be neutered if they stray.
12. If a cat jumps into your lap, a little light petting will satisfy her.
13. It’s okay if a cat rubs up against your best friend.
14. If you ask enough times, a cat may actually listen to you.
15. You never have to spend time with your cat’s mother.
16. Better chance of training a cat.
17. Cats are cute.
18. A cat is never late for dinner.
19. Cats love to see you come home from shopping with lots of bags!
20. You’ll never get a call from you cat’s ex-wife.
21. A cat would never leave you for a younger women.
22. Cats treat your mom with respect.
23. Cats don’t worry about hair loss.
24. I feels nice to stroke a cats soft, fluffy fur.
25. A cat’s friend is less likely to be annoying.
26. Cats can’t show love without meaning it.
27. To buy a fancy dinner for a cat only costs 40p
28. Cats actually think with their heads.
29. Unlike a man, a cat can fend for itself.
30. It is legal in all states to neuter a cat.
31. Cats comfort you when you are sick.
32. When a cat sleeps all day it’s natural, not annoying